Dear Elon Musk, Can You Help Me Lose Weight?

5 Feb 2023

I am healthy. That’s the most important thing, I know, but you know, Elon, there are always those extra few pounds.

You seem to be the greatest problem solver. You have an idea for everything. You have ideas for better commute, space travel, utilizing our brains and so much more. I figured I might as well try and ask you about this minor issue of mine.

Dear Elon, can you help me lose weight?

I was never too skinny. I like to eat.

I have never met you in person, but I can tell from your photos: You like to eat, too.

Image via Unilads "Elon Musk says he's lost 20 pounds after being 'fat-shamed' over yacht pics" (

You may not care as much when you have a few extra pounds because you have so many other, bigger problems in your mind.

But I’m a person of simple needs and simple thoughts. My weight matters a lot to me. And I know you care a lot about humans, in general.

I hope my query finds a place in your busy agenda, even for a few seconds. Or perhaps milliseconds. I feel like a few milliseconds would be what it takes for you to solve this problem of mine.

Dear Elon Musk, I have a few extra pounds. Image from Unsplash.

I have a few constraints:

  1. I work at a desk, from home. I don’t have anywhere to commute to on a regular basis. That’s a big hurdle to getting my 10,000 steps in every day. If I don’t spare an hour or so every day, to just walk around my building like a mad person, there’s no way I get to that number.
  2. I hate running. I remember reading on multiple occasions that running is not really something humans are supposed to do. I agree. So I can’t run in that spare hour.
  3. I don’t know what to do during my daily walks. I am not a podcast person. In fact, I’m usually extremely bored of most podcasts. Like you, I value real learning instead of fun trivia, am always short in time and can’t stand too much self-marketing. I don’t like to listen to books either. Books are not meant to be listened.
  4. I don’t have a lot of money to give to private trainers.
  5. I think only crazy people go to spinning classes.
  6. I am easily bored.
  7. I am lazy.

I’m sure that some of my constraints sound like nonsense. I guess I’m sorry. Nevertheless, I believe in radical honesty and here I am with my imperfect constraints. I’m hoping you can give me some solid advice. Happy to be training buddies too, by the way, if that’s something you’re into?

I’m looking forward to hearing back from you.


Your biggest fan